Author Archive

David B. Livingstone

Sometimes, it really does take a wise Latina to cut through the mountain of bovine excrement that passes for jurisprudence in these Clueless States of America.

In one of her first questions posed as the newest member of the nation’s highest Old Boys’ Club – er, court – Sonia Sotomayor hit a home run the likes of which haven’t been seen in more than a century. The mother of all home runs, as Saddam Hussein might have phrased it: Imagine a home run wherein a steroid-fuelled Sammy Sosa lapped the bases eleven times before the scoreboard had had a chance to change.

Behind you, boys.

That’s what Sotomayor did – and in so doing, this junior justice neatly outshone generations of justices before her when it came to good old common sense.

Sotomayor posed a simple question that would seem obvious to almost any elementary school student, but which has somehow escaped brilliant legal minds like Clarence Thomas, John Roberts, and Antonin Scalia. Namely, she asked whether the courts might have been wrong in affording corporations legal status as persons all these many long, stupid years.

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David B. Livingstone

What a difference a disaster makes.

Only a scant few days ago, the righteous red citizenry of Georgia were holding teaparties and disrupting townhall meetings with their anti-federal government placards and slogans.

Having proudly cast their state’s electoral votes against Barack Obama in antideluvian 2009, these self-professed patriots continued to trumpet their righteous umbrage against any and all things socialistic, inveighing against public health care, stimulus packages and federal bailouts in the name of glorious capitalistic principles, with their weasel-eyed governor Sonny Perdue leading the charge. But let it rain a little bit — OK, a lot— and see what happens.

Who's shrugging now, Galts?

Floodwaters rise and suddenly the good folk of the Peachtree State go all commie on us.

Even the reptilian brain of Sonny Perdue seems to have figured out that market-based solutions aren’t going to rescue Atlanta from ten feet of floodwater. As houses, cars, and people are washed away, the righteous libertarian raises his bleating little voice in a plea towards Washington: President Obama, save us.

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David B. Livingstone

Let’s all raise a toast to the man who, more than any other, represents the face of all that is mean, small, ignorant, bigoted, and petty in the United States of America circa 2009: Representative Joe Wilson.

At this point, the entire world has seen his picture: Mouth gaping, lips turned downwards in a derisive sneer, eyes blazing with dumb-animal fury as he bellowed two immortal words at the President of the United States. “You lie.”

Human ugliness.

Two words that elevated a porcine southern seat-warmer from anonymity to global ignominy, which diminished the dignity of his office and the august body of supposed statesmen which he served, and which captured the essence of human ignorance in pure crystalline form, like an insect entombed in amber.

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