February 19, 2007

Shaping Up the Dems, One by One

 

There are only 605 days to the presidential election and the political dynamic is heating up. This not-so-fast approaching event suggests an opportunity to offer pointers to some of the Democratic candidates.

 

Hillary Clinton: You have to look less surprised and annoyed about Barak Obama’s popularity. What a nerve – running against the wife of “the first black president”! Where’s the gratitude?

 

A little self-effacing humor would go a long way toward broadening your appeal. Something like “I know I’m not the huggiest teddy bear in the toy box” might be a start.

 

Also, learn to say, “I feel your pain,” in a believable way. This could create a bond with many Bill followers. Sure there will be snide remarks. But if you can’t handle those, how will you deal with Kim’s nukes?

 

Bill Richardson: Despite your impressive resume, your name recognition is less than many colleagues. Helping in Darfur was great, but unfortunately Darfur has even lower name recognition than you have among many of your fellow Americans.

 

Being Hispanic may be an important advantage. It’s just hard to remember that you are, especially for people who hear only your English. It might help to learn to speak English with more of a Spanish accent. That once popular Desi twang might just do the trick.

 

Dennis Kucinich: Try out for a role playing the president, perhaps when TV’s “24” recasts, or “The American President” does a remake. The preparation should help with your main image gaps. Your strategic question is, “How can I be so right on so many issues, and still have so little support?”

 

Barak Obama: Your unusual star qualities have touched a nerve with many voters. You seem someone that we might actually want to vote for – unusual in recent years. Will you be able to keep up that easy and confident image if/when you are a top contender? Can you project the necessary experience and gravitas?

 

Get going on writing a longer resume. You can still recover the versions that are already out, and people may not notice. Also, you might use some of Dennis Kucinich’s TV make-up people to have you age gradually until the election. You should also gain some weight before more bathing suit photos get around.

 

John Edwards: Oh, are you running for president? You’ve been doing a lot of on-the-ground preparation, but the public campaign seems to be beginning sooner than expected. The southern charm and smile may not be enough for a hare-and-tortoise comeback if things move too fast. Can you pull off another Kerry-like Iowa surprise right next to Illinois? Imagine – people thought only one term in the Senate wasn’t enough experience! Keep emphasizing your Iraq apology, especially right before Hillary’s speeches.

 

Joe Biden: You seem the most presidential, especially on foreign policy, clearly a major aspect of this election. If you could only figure out a way to avoid getting yourself in trouble! Perhaps a staff censor could help.

 

You survived the plagiarism flack of your 1988 campaign, but your potential challenge still is credibility and speaking less carelessly, or perhaps less in general. Take more deep breaths and trust the universe to see your intelligence. The voters may be smarter than you think.

 

John Kerry: It must have been difficult to leave the presidential campaign. (At least that is what I think you said in your Senate speech and e-mail message.) I was going to advise improving your political radar. Now that you have dropped out, I have much more respect for your political sensibilities.

 

A difficult Catch 22: The only way to prove that you had the political savvy to be president was not to run – a difficult dilemma for someone who has wanted to be president for as long as you have. Congratulations on your decision.

 

Al Sharpton: You haven’t said you are running, and I suspect you won’t, despite the fun of upstaging those white big shots during the debates. You were the main reason that many of us watched.

 

Like using nuclear weapons, your threat of running may be more powerful than the fact itself, especially with another brother in the race and a sort-of sister-in-law. You’ll get points for keeping others on track, and for reminding Joe Biden about your (and Jesse’s) cleanliness and articulateness. We’ll just have to accept more boring debates.

 

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