Debt Counselor: Good morning, Uncle Sam. Are you ready for our debt counseling session?

Uncle Sam: Of course. I’m open to solutions and everything is on the table.

Debt Counselor: All right, well why don’t you give me an update on your situation?

Uncle Sam: Sure. Here’s the deal. I need to borrow another $2 trillion.

Debt Counselor: On top of your existing debt? That’s an awful lot. Why do you need to do that?

Uncle Sam: Oh, it’s for a very good and important reason. I need it to pay the interest on my existing debt. That’s important to do, you know.

Debt Counselor: Yeah, you need to do that, but are you only paying interest on your debt? Are you paying back any principal?

Uncle Sam: Well, that’s something I want to do.

Debt Counselor: But are you?

Uncle Sam: Well, not at this time.

Debt Counselor: Now before you take on more debt to service your existing debt, let’s look at your overall spending and revenue. Give me a summary for the year.

Uncle Sam: Sure, I’m taking in approximately $2.1 trillion and spending $3.7 trillion, so obviously you can see why I need to borrow more.

Debt Counselor: My goodness, Uncle Sam, you realize you can’t keep doing this. You’re living waybeyond your means. And you’ve been doing so for quite some time. We need to turn this around – and I mean immediately – and start generating more revenue than you’re spending so you can use the excess to pay back principal and reduce your debt.

Uncle Sam: I have a plan to reduce my deficits over 10 years.

Debt Counselor: No, not reduce your deficits, Uncle Sam. Reduce your debt.

Uncle Sam: That’s what I said.

Debt Counselor: No, you said reduce your deficits.

Uncle Sam: What’s the difference? That’s just semantics.

Debt Counselor: No it’s not. If all you do is reduce your deficits, you still keep borrowing and your debt keeps rising. You’re increasing your debt.

Uncle Sam: Yeah, but not as much as I would if I had bigger deficits. So I’m reducing my debt compared to what it would have been.

Debt Counselor: Uncle Sam, listen, I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation. Lenders won’t be willing to keep letting you borrow with your debt load already so high, especially when the only plan you have for the foreseeable future is to continue increasing your debt. At the very least, they’re going to jack up your interest rates. Quite possibly, they’re going to cut you off entirely.

Uncle Sam: Well, can’t I just get more money?

Debt Counselor: From whom?

Uncle Sam: Taxpayers.

Debt Counselor: Do they have the extra money to give you?

Uncle Sam: Well, I obviously need it.

Debt Counselor: Look, one of the first principles of debt counseling is that you take control of the things you can take control of. While more revenue would be nice, you can make your own decisions about how much you spend. Now let’s look at your spending obligations and see what we can reduce or eliminate entirely.

Uncle Sam: I’m prepared to cut $4 trillion!

Debt Counselor: Really? That’s wonderful!

Uncle Sam: Over 10 years.

Debt Counselor: Over 10 years? Um, yeah, OK, look, that would still increase your debt by more than $10 trillion over that same period. That’s not a serious plan.

Uncle Sam: Why are you being so inflexible?

Debt Counselor: Uncle Sam, do you understand the seriousness of this situation?

Uncle Sam: You know, this is really not my fault . . .

Debt Counselor: It never is.

Next: The Debt Counselor meets The Media!

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