“Dia dhuit, it’s Brian Cowen, aim the Irish prime minister, and aim hair to meet with Chancellor Merkel.”

“Ja wohl, Herr Prime Minister.  Ze Chancellor iss vaiting for you.  Right in here.”

“Uh, Chancellor Merkel?  Why ere you dresst in that black robe?  And who are the guys in black masks?”

“Vat do you sink, dahlink?  It’s time for you to answer for your sins..”

“Sins?  You mean awr debt?  The bailout?”

“You did not sink vee vere goink to giff you 85 billion euros for nussing, did you”

“Wait.  What’s with those shackles?  Why ere ya rippin’ off my shirt?  What is that whip … ouch!”

“Ja.  Time for some pain after all zat fun you all haff had.  Take some corporate tax hikes!”

“Ouch!  But ya said we wouldn’t have to raise our 12.5 percent rate when we took the bailout.”

Come now, dahlink!  Haff you neffer heard of tax harmonization?  Vee on the Continent haff all been vaiting a long time for ziss, viss you undercutting our corporate rates and stealing bizness!  Celtic Tiger, hah!  Put him on ze rack!  How about some additional budget cuts?”

“Arrrrggghh!  What ere ya doing with that cigarette … yeooww!  We’re already plannin’ some 20 billion euros in cuts o’er the next several yeres.”

“Ja, but vee vill also take some 17.5 billion euros from your pension fund too!  You don’t sink ve are goink to let you Irish party it up in retirement at the expense of Germans, nicht wahr?  Now, how about some stiff interest rates?”

“What’s with the cattle prod … yyyiiiii!!!!  We’re sorry, we’re sorry!  We know we got a little irresponsible, but we ware not the only cunntry who was, with all those housing bubbles!  And isn’t 5.8 percent a little out of line given the near zero percent rates many lenders are gettin’ worldwide?”

“Hah!  Your external debt is more than one half million dollars for each und effery man, voman und child in Ireland!  Ze bailout alone iss more zan 21 tousand euros per capita.  Ze party is over!  Now tell me.  What are you goink to do?”

“Owwwwwww!  We’ll take the terms!”

“You vill take the terms und vat?”

“Ahhhh-awwww!!!!  We will go for some Eurosclerosis and like it!”

“Better!  Now zat vazz not so bad, or? Ah, I see your time here is up!  José Sócrates is vaiting!  Next!