Bob Maistros

MEMO

TO:                  Roger Goodell and the NFL Competition Committee

FROM:            Fans Across America

“Mickelson is lining up his 25-foot putt.  This is a tricky devil of a shot … it’s downhill and breaks first left and then right.  It will take a deft touch.  The fan favorite strokes it smoothly … headed left, curving right, picking up speed … can it be, can it be? … yes!  The ball rattles into the hole!  Lefty has won his first U.S. Open title!  No, no, wait!  Tiger Woods’ caddie was standing right next to the USGA official … he called time out just as Mickelson was about to pull back his club.  Phil will have to make the impossible putt again….”

"It's in the ... oops. Wanna try that again?"

“It’s match point here in the fifth set in the U.S. Open and Nadal prepares to serve.  The ball goes up, the Spaniard hammers it … an ace!  Nada wins only the second Grand Slam in the Open Era!  But hold on … Federer was looking at the official and signaled for a time out just as Nadal tossed up the ball.  He’ll have to redo the serve …. ”

“Here comes Ovechkin on the shootout.  He’s bearing in on goal … fakes left … shifts right … SCORES!  The Caps finally win it all!  But no!  The refs are waving it off … Quenneville had called time just before Ovie pulled the trigger.  He’ll have to start again ….”

“Durant’s at the line.  This is the whole enchilada … if he sinks this one, Oklahoma City wins its first improbable championship.  It’s up … it’s GOOD.  He has clinched it!  Uh oh!  No way!  Doc Rivers was stationed right next to a ref and called time out just as the MVP was going into his motion.  He’ll have to shoot again ….”

“Walter Ray Williams, Jr. picks up his ball, wipes it clean.  He’s at 290 and about to bowl for a rare 300 game to close out the Tournament of Champions.  Williams takes two steps, releases … the ball curves true toward the pocket … a strike!  It’s a perfect 300 game and the Tournament championship!  But what’s this?  Scroggins was right next to a PBA official.  He called time out just as Williams was about to take his first stride!  What a nervewracker ….”

“Gano lines up for the kick.  It’s a 52-yarder that could win it for the Redskins in overtime here in Houston.  Here’s the snap … ball is down … kick is up … it’s straight … headed for the goal … right down the middle and GOOD!  But no!  Gary Kubiak had stationed himself right next to the official and called a time out just before the ball was snapped!  It’s the most frustrating play in football, and Graham Gano will have to try again.”

Dudes.  Change the freakin’ rule.

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