“Good morning, class.”

“Good morning, Mr. Obama.”

“Class, settle down and pay attention now, please.  Turn to page 1 of your Congressional Budget Office Math Book, please.  Let’s look at problem number one.  ‘Sam is very rich, but he usually spends more money than he makes. If Sam’s deficit is $1 trillion a year over the next 10 years, and he spends 794 billion additional dollars over that period for more health care for 32 million people, and finds $507 billion in Medicare and other savings, and takes $406 billion in new taxes from rich people, how much will Sam have in savings after 10 years?’  Nancy Pelosi.”

“Mr. Obama, the savings are $119 billion.”

“That’s correct, Nancy.  Very good.  Johnny Boehner, do you have a question?”

“Mr. Obama, since when is raising taxes and taking money from other people considered ‘savings?’ And how can you talk about ‘savings’ when Sam is continuing to go further into debt in the rest of his budget?”

“Since the CBO Math Book says so.  Mikey Pence?”

“Mr. Obama, what happens when the rich people start investing in tax shelters and stop investing in order to avoid the new Medicare taxes on unearned income?  Won’t that reduce the ‘savings?’”

“Mikey, you’ve been spending too much time in Mr. Laffer’s class.  Can anyone explain to Johnny and Mikey how we got to the correct answer of $119 billion in savings?”

“Oh, Mr. Obama, Mr. Obama, call on me, call on me!”

“OK, Paulie Ryan, go ahead.”

“Well, besides what Johnny said about calling new taxes ‘savings,’ we get there by double-counting Medicare and Social Security savings against the healthcare bill when they are needed to shore up the existing programs and by ignoring the certain doctor shortage that will come when you add 32 million new people to the rolls and providers leave the profession or refuse to treat patients under the new health plans and how that will cause us to have to raise payments  and lead to more health-care inflation and how we have already refused to implement the so-called ‘doc fix’ and this bill will make things worse.”

“Paulie, that was a lot of run-on nonsense that doesn’t have anything to do with what’s in the book, even if it is true.  Can anyone else help us?  Bennie Nelson?”

“Mr. Obama, do I still get lots and lots of candy for me and all my friends in Nebraska if I agree to the ‘right’ answer?”

“Bennie, you know that such arrangements are against my principles … except when they aren’t.”

“You get there by giving CBO the right set of assumptions for the problem and having them they say you will reduce Sam’s deficit, and then you point to the CBO as a ‘neutral’ source and call the deficit reductions ‘savings’ and get all the mainstream textbook publishers to report it that way.”

“Bennie, you’re going to go far.  I’m nominating you for a Nobel Prize in Mathematics.  I’m in good with the Committee.”

“Mr. Obama, there is no Nobel Prize in Mathematics.”

“Paulie, shut up.”

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