Jamie Weinstein

American Idol has become in the last decade an American institution. In many ways, its success has been due to an American import – a Brit, Simon Cowell.

It is no overstatement to say that, without Cowell, the show would not be the huge success it is today. If the judges were just Randy, Paula (now gone), and whoever the new girl is, the show would be far less interesting.

How 'bout it, Hitch?

Sure, the show is ostensibly about singing talent. But it also driven by sober evaluation of that talent, and sometimes that sober analysis requires acerbic wit.  Cowell provides that for us in an entertaining, if not sometimes cruel, way.  And, yes, I admit to being an American Idol fan. We all have our skeletons.

Now that Cowell has declared that he will leave the show at the end of the season, what will become of America’s favorite singing contest? Can it succeed without Cowell? Perhaps, but not unless a new judge emerges capable of filling Cowell’s shoes.

Rumor has it that former Sony head Tommy Matolla tops the list of possible replacements. I don’t know much about Matolla, but this doesn’t seem to be an out of the box selection.

What the show needs is someone similar to Cowell who can provide brutal honesty.  Now, there are plenty of nasty Brits on television who would jump at the chance of taking Cowell’s spot. Indeed, the nasty Brit has become a staple of American reality television. But not just anyone, or any Brit, can fill Cowell’s shoes.

A spiritual thriller by Dan Calabrese. Click the image learn more and to order a copy.

So who should be replace him? How about one of America’s greatest wits, who was born a Brit, sounds like a Brit, is an ideological provocateur, brilliant and enraging, but always compelling and entertaining: Christopher Hitchens. He is already a celebrity of sorts in elite political and literary circles.  Now he can become an actual celebrity in American popular culture.

I imagine that Hitchens is not among the biggest fans of American Idol, and probably has better things to do with his time than sit and judge people’s singing ability (not to mention he is probably not the most qualified to judge singing ability). But if you give him some whiskey and a salary, a small fraction of what Cowell currently gets, I bet there is a good chance you can convince Hitch to take the job.

American Idol doesn’t need someone from the record industry to replace Cowell, or some great judge of singing talent. It needs a witty, entertaining iconoclast who isn’t afraid to be brutally honest to keep the show interesting. Hitchens would fit that role perfectly.

Let’s see if Hollywood is smart enough to think out of the box and offer him the job.

29 Responses to “How about Christopher Hitchens to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol?”