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Memo to Snyder: Don’t stop the radical reforms now!There ain’t no search like that rubber glove: God bless the TSA!
December 27th, 2009 | 
Author: 
Bob Maistros
In the wake of Northwest Flight 253, a London Telegraph analysis has forwarded the question of the year: “How can a Muslim student, whose name appears on a US law enforcement database, be granted a visa to travel to America, allegedly acquire an explosive device from Yemen, a country awash with al-Qaeda terrorists, and avoid detection from the world’s most sophisticated spy agencies?”
If you liked this . . .
Oops.
The answer will be some time in coming and would involve no end of embarrassment to authorities around the globe, if anything could embarrass governments anymore. But thank goodness, the airlines and transportation security officials have already leapt into the breach … and we know just how these powers-that-be are planning to make sure near-disaster never happens again.
Our heroes are going to gang up on evil terrorists by keeping the rest of us from getting up to pee for the last hour of a flight. (Make sure you turn down that second Coke!) Overtaxing everyone’s bladders will certainly keep threatening blonde teenagers on school trips from setting off homemade bombs on the approach to the Motor City.
They’re going hold al Qaeda at bay by barring you from having your laptop, or anything else, for that matter, on your lap for that same final hour. (Make sure you get that presentation done before you depart!) Storing away computers and coloring books will unquestionably prevent all those dangerous middle-class Christian executives and criminally-minded five-year-olds from setting off the incendiary devices strapped up close and personal to their cajones.
And they’re going to stop Osama and his ilk in their tracks by making sure you can’t even squeeze that Netbook into the one carry-on you’ll now be allowed on-board. Yep, we’ll definitely ward off carefully concealed explosives by putting innocent, financially strapped travelers even more at the mercy of baggage handlers who, according to recent reports, are increasingly helping themselves to five-finger discounts from our luggage. (Make sure you ship those valuables ahead of your journey!) Not to mention their airline employers, who will feast on more of the fully legal larceny they call “baggage fees” with every erstwhile carry-on checked.
Oh, I forgot. We’ll actually expose those mini-bombs by making more millionaires pull off their wing-tips, strip-searching more 80-year-old Jewish grandmothers, and sure as shootin’ (yikes! don’t say that in line!), subjecting more of us to rubber-gloved gropes of our inner thighs. By confiscating baby-food jars from more doting, 30-something yuppie parents. And by further extending the already outrageous security lines for millions of passengers by directing the Transportation Security Authority … that gang that has brought the friendliness of the KGB and the efficiency of the DMV to airport security … to unsnap every snap, unzip every zipper and un-Velcro every Velcro on the Mickey Mouse backpacks of selected tykes.
We can be grateful that none of these good folks will be wasting their time or our resources zeroing in on young, disaffected Muslim males from Islamo-fanatical hot spots around the world … or from extremist crucibles within First World immigrant conclaves … who are behind some, oh, 100 percent of terror attempts.
Because personally, I enjoy the challenge of seeing how much discomfort, inconvenience and embarrassment I can endure from being confined to my seat when my vesicle is about to burst; showing up an extra hour early to stand in endless queues balancing my footwear, my computer and my carry-on; or opening up my pants before of hundreds of strangers.
And Obama said we were going to ban torture. Ha! Turns out we’re just going to redirect it.
It’s almost enough to restore one’s faith in government. God bless the TSA!
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34 Responses to “There ain’t no search like that rubber glove: God bless the TSA!”
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Why not just ban all non-moslems from all flights.
Then all mozlems can be searched in any way they see fit without inconveniencing us KUFFAR.
If a plane were to go down, then it would only be mozlems, i.e. the self-declared enemies of all unbelievers. Everybody wins!
Or howabout if we just banned all mozlems from all airports UNTIL THE WAR WITH IZLAM IS OVER !
But seriously, all non-mozlems sould boycott the airlines until all mozlwems are keep out. No laws would be broken and it would certainly be interesting to see the PC airline spokespeople and Janet Neapolitano squirm and contort their reponses.
allah!
Ha!,, Good one Joe!
We are faced with an even bigger problem beyond all the discomforts of being forced to lower ourselves to the terrorist level.
Last Summer, there was an assasination attempt on a Saudi Prince,(what else?) by an Al Qaeda operative with a anally implanted bomb. Yes,….an assbomb, and it almost succeeded.
Beyond the question of whether or not it would be detected, is how far are they willing to take this. I think we must assume that the next step is the surgically implanted device.
At that point, all bets are off, and with the use of cell phone activators, the best thing the TSA could hope for is a wrong number.
These latest TSA measures are like closing the barn door – after the cow escaped from the adjoining pasture. Just strip search all people contained within the demographic most likely to contain terrorists and leave the rest of us non-barbarians alone. And racism accusations and cultural diversity be damned – what an insane world. Never dreamed I would see my country reduced to a bunch of pussies bullied by third world crazies.
Want to be really scared. Those idiots who search you at US airports don’t need:
1. A High School Diploma
2. To speak English fluently.
3. Get only 3 hours training.
I prefer to take the train for domestic travel. More expensive, but safer.
[...] God bless the TSA! We know just how these powers-that-be are planning to make sure near-disaster never happens again. Our heroes are going to gang up on evil terrorists by keeping the rest of us from getting up to pee for the last hour of a flight. (Make sure you turn down that second Coke!) – Bob Maistros, North Star National [...]
I used to enjoy flying, but I haven’t flown on a commercial flight since 9/11 and I’m not likely to any time soon.
Good luck to the airlines, I hope there is enough sheep to keep them in business.
I have to fly from Florida to Toronto in January. If there is a Muslim boarding my flight, I am going to demand, at the airport, that that individual be rigourously searched before being allowed to board.
And I hope that my fellow passengers will stand with me if it should happen. If it doesn’t, I’ll demand a later flight.
This is my own personal response – and if enough of us put up a fight over Muslims flying without being searched, maybe we can make a difference.
Sirs/Mme:
While our “President” is dutifuly studying the latest outrage of Islamofacism
against all free men; might it be similarly consistant that he demand the resignation of
of that proven incompetent Homeland Secretary Ms Nepalitano.
Americans must remember that when the first Amendment fails we are left with but no choice to
rely on our second Amendment rights!
R.C.Smith
Boston, USA
Back to Greyhound for me. Between the TSA and the nickling and diming the airlines do to us, it is much more convenient.
I have to fly in January to a family wedding and I am seriously thinking about returning my ticket and spending 2 days one way on Greyhound rather than checking my rights at the counter along with my suitcase.
Enough is enough. None of these measures will stop terrorists, but it will ruin our transportation system. We have to get rid of the PC garbage and get serious.
Here’s the solution: Immediately cease issuance of all travel visas from Africa and the Middle East to America and the West. Immediately suspend all current visas issued to people from that region along with immediate deportation. Require all who wish to return to submit individually to an FBI backround check. That should slow the “Caravan of Martyrs” down a bit. In addition, we send the bill for all of the extra airline security to Saudi Arabia.
As a member of the military and frequent flyer, I am really getting annoyed with the extra scrutiny and humiliation I have to endure every time I board a flight.
Here are some facts,
1. WTC 911 hijackers, muslims,
2. Richard Reid aka Shoe Bomber, muslim,
3. Liquid bomb plotters attempting to down 19 airliners over the Atlantic, muslims,
4. Flying Imams, muslims,
5. Crotch Bomber, muslim
6. The authors of a multitude of probing incidents that don’t get reported by the mainstream media, muslims.
In light of these facts, wouldn’t it be more rational to just subject muslims to enhanced security checks when they attempt to fly? And seeing that they are the reason for these security measures shouldn’t they be subject to a special fee to defray the added expense of us protecting ourselves from them?
If the muslims are not happy with this simple solution, they don’t have to fly.
In the mean time show your support for the war on terror by donning the T-Shirt adorned with the logo of the new crusaders, the next time you check in for your flight.
http://www.zazzle.com/major_league_kafir_subdued_tshirt-235864551170544946
Learn something about the world you morons: America has an empire and this is the cost of imposing your will on countries around the world for decades. Get used to it! Better yet, eat a donut and stop taking it for granted you fat-fux.
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