Bob Maistros

Once upon a time, before there was The One, there was The Chosen One.  That’s what the World’s Most Famous Sports Magazine called him in a real, actual headline.

The Chosen One was Very, Very Special. His Mommy called him “The Universal Child” because like a newspaper, he was black and white and red all over (not to mention yellow). She said he would “hold everyone together.”

Cuddling with this princess.

Some very Holy Men once had a Special Message for The Chosen One’s mommy: He had “wondrous powers” and could become a president or a prime minister or a general.

Instead, The Chosen One became a golfer.

But not just any golfer. A Golfer who, when he was only three years old, went on television and beat professional players. A Golfer who, in his very first professional season after only 10 tournaments, was named Sportsman of the Year.

Don’t you think it’s unusual that someone who was so new and had accomplished so little would receive an important global award? OK, maybe not.

Men and women from Big Companies laid tens of millions of dollars at the feet of The Chosen One … more than they had given even Michael of Jordan, who called The Chosen One his hero. Women begged for The Chosen One’s hand in marriage. Children wanted to grow up and be like him.

Golf turned to The Chosen One as its Ambassador, who would “respect The Game,” and revere and preserve its traditions. And guided by The Chosen One’s Counselors, the Media swooned and talked about how Very, Very Special he was. Even The Chosen One said he was “honored” to be a “Role Model.”

Don’t you think it’s very unusual that someone so inexperienced would inspire so much Hope for Change and such Big Love from The Media?  OK, maybe not.

But The Chosen One’s Daddy did not think being The World’s Greatest Golfer and A Role Model was enough. One night, at a big banquet, his Daddy said: “My heart fills with so much joy when I realize that this young man is going to be able to help so many people. He will transcend this game and bring to the world a humanitarianism which has never been known before. The world will be a better place to live in by virtue of his existence and his presence.”

(By the way, my parents once thought I was The Chosen One too. The Chosen One to take out the garbage.)

The Narrative (a term we storytellers … also known as PR hacks … like to use) of The Chosen One and his Daddy warmed the hearts of The Media. They delighted in showing The Chosen One hugging his Daddy when he won tournaments.  When The Chosen One’s Daddy died, the entire Sports World mourned. The Media brought it up again and again during Major Tournaments.

One day, The Chosen One found a beautiful Princess to be his Bride.  (OK, she was a model, but that’s the same thing these days.) The Chosen One and his Princess Bride lived on a huge estate, and she bore him two Very Special Children.

The Media couldn’t show pictures of The Chosen One hugging his Daddy anymore, so his Counselors kept The Narrative alive with wholesome photos of him cuddling with his Princess Bride and Very Special Children and stories about how he couldn’t spend enough time with them. Just like The Chosen One and his parents, they were living happily ever after.

The End.

Uh, oh.  Not quite.  Because one day stories came out that were not part of The Narrative.

About the Princess Bride swinging golf clubs … not at balls, but at The Chosen One.  About The Chosen One driving … not off the tee, but into fire hydrants and trees and hedges.

About The Chosen One cuddling … not with children, but with a … I mean two … yikes, three Beautiful Women who were not his Princess Bride. And about Special Messages … not from Holy Men but on voicemail and cellphones.

Suddenly The Media was not so interested in wholesome photos of The Chosen One cuddling with his children. Now they wanted to see photos of how jiggly … I mean, cuddly … the Beautiful Women were.

But most of all, The Media wanted A Statement from The Chosen One.

Finally, The Chosen One spoke (actually posted on his website, but that’s the same thing these days).  He said he was sorry for his “transgressions.” (That’s a big word for being Very, Very Bad.)  He said he had “let his family down.” (That’s what every Famous Person who cuddles with Beautiful Women says to avoid a Divorce.)

He wrote about “the right to some simple, human measure of privacy.” (That’s what every Famous Person who has received hundreds of millions of dollars for selling his name and being A Role Model suddenly wants when events go Off Message.)

But The Chosen One also said, “I’m human and I’m not perfect.”

Oops.  Time for A New Narrative.

Meanwhile, good thing we still have The One.

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