Bob Maistros

In still another exclusive, your intrepid reporter has obtained a confidential copy of the White House’s exam for job applicants:

Get your story straight.

Question 1:  The Administration’s Pay Czar suddenly up and cuts the compensation of high-producing, highly motivated executives at financial firms by 50 percent.  These executives will now:

A. Quit and go work for another firm or in another country, threatening their companies’ ability to repay government loans

B. Retire, take their millions and go live on a boat, also undermining their firms’ recoveries

C. Come up with new, potentially even riskier forms of compensation that get around the rules

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault Wall Street is a mess

Question 2:  A trillion dollars of stimulus outlays on top of a $700-billion bank bailout have:

A. Decimated global confidence in the dollar and sent it on a downward spiral

B. Set the stage for Zimbabwe-style hyperinflation

C. Damaged the trust of millions of Americans in their government

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault the budget deficit is so high

Question 3:  Another trillion dollars of new spending on a voluminous and complex new government-mandated health-care system will:

A. Further blow out the deficit and weaken the dollar

B. Cost tens of thousands of jobs

C. Drive up health insurance premiums and overall health care inflation and lead to rationing

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault healthcare is so expensive

Question 4:  The proposed health care legislation will raise taxes and levy fines for many businesses and high-income individuals while shielding labor unions with high-cost plans, introducing an individual mandate with weak enforcement mechanisms and subsidizing plans for individuals making up to 400 percent of the poverty level.  The result will be:

A. Tens of millions of employees with excellent coverage dropped from their plans as employers find it cheaper to pay the fines, figure they are paying taxes anyway for the subsidized insurance

B. Millions more cheap-to-insure individuals waiting until they are sick to buy insurance, and then larding new costs onto the system

C. Even higher taxes as more, sicker people are added to the subsidized rolls

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault health care is so unfair

Question 5:  Proposed “cap and trade” legislation will add thousands of dollars in costs for families and small businesses.  These businesses will:

A. Close by the tens of thousands

B. Stop hiring

C. Lay off workers and employees by the millions

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault we didn’t agree to Kyoto

Question 6:  A policy of making concessions to our enemies and abandoning or pressuring our friends could:

A. Lead to a regionally destabilizing, nuclear-armed Iran

B. Embolden Israel’s enemies

C. Promote further adventurism by al Qaeda, Putin, Chavez, Kim and Hu

D. Doesn’t matter.  It’s George W. Bush’s fault that the world hates us

Question 7:  The resumption of economic growth in the third quarter is:

A. The natural end of a cyclical downturn that had already extended months beyond the average length of a recession in the post-war era

B. Partially reflective of the acceleration to the third quarter of potential fourth-quarter consumer spending via the “Cash for Clunkers” program

C. Potentially a lull in a long-term decline as the economy continues to bleed jobs and firms hesitate to engage in new investments while Congress considers new anti-business policies

D. Proof that Obamanomics works, of course!

Answer key: 1. D 2. D 3. D 4. D 5. D 6. D 7. D

Scale:

Zero correct: How did Glenn Beck get in here?

One correct: Obviously an un-American Tea Party protester

Two correct: Clearly, an evil-mongering Town Hall troublemaker

Three correct: Low-level political employee

Four correct: White House junior staff

Five correct: White House senior staff

Six correct: New Treasury Secretary

Seven correct: Congratulations!  You’ve just won the Nobel Peace Prize!

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